I wrote a post (which you can read here) about my first views of my body after having a baby. My first reactions weren’t positive, but I did feel strong. Strong that I had gone through it all and was still standing.
The emotions from the birth are still pretty raw for me, and I have realised over the last few months that it has left me feeling soft, squishy and very vulnerable. And I am not just talking about my abdomen!
My first real challenge to my confidence is fast approaching. Since the birth I have lived in my giant panties, maternity leggings and oversized tops. Practical I have said: easy for whipping the breasts out and the high waists stop the rubbing on my wound.
But I have to acknowledge now that my maternity leggings are just starting to look a bit saggy, and although oversized tops are practical,the one’s I bought in late pregnancy are less ‘oversized’ and more ‘dressed in a bin bag’.
As I said, the test to my confidence is approaching. I am meeting a bunch of retro mummies and their bubbas at the Christmas Markets. This will be the first time I have dressed up since Pippin was born, and the first time I have dressed my new tummy. Scary stuff!
I am still swollen, although it has come down a lot I still have an overhang. I was measuring my waist today for a pair of jeans and my waist is still a whole four inches bigger than it was pre-pregnancy (and yet I weigh less. How does that work?). That made me sad.
What won’t be visible are my stretchmarks, which are fading quite well. My stomach still feels deflated, and there are patches where I have no feeling at all.
I need to not beat myself up, it is still early days in my recovery and to all the people who matter to me I am still me. Plus I really doubt that any of the mummies on Thurs will refuse to associate with me because of my mum tum.